She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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