Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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