we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
