i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
