if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
