Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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