I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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