I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
