I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
