I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
