i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
