Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
