so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
