is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
