I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
