Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You may now shotgun with the bride
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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