I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
