I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
