It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
