...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
