just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
