Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
