i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
