Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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