I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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