I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
