just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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