i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
