Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
