just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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