So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
