I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
