My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
