i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
