I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
