i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
