I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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