bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
