he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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