You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
