My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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