We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Everything about him screamed your future.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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