He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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