If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My ass is underappreciated
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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