Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
