awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
