how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
