She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
