I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
