Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
