So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
