If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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