Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
