Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
