I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
People in love make me want to vomit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
