He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
