I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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