I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
