i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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