Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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